Embracing Anxiety: A Pathway to Inner Serenity
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Many individuals struggle to release themselves from the clutches of their own suffering.
Due to their apprehension towards the unfamiliar, they tend to gravitate towards familiar forms of suffering. ~Thich Nhat Hanh
The panic I experience stems from my struggle to acknowledge and embrace my anxiety disorder.
The outcome is experiencing nocturnal awakenings, rapid heartbeat, tingling sensations, and trembling of the body.
I find myself driving down the road during a thunderstorm, convinced that I’m experiencing a heart attack.
However, I continue driving and engaging in a conversation with my beloved over the phone, reassuring myself that everything will be fine as long as I keep moving forward.
Rather than embracing anxiety as a familiar presence, I find myself resisting and harboring resentment towards her frequent appearances.
She consistently resorts to extreme actions in order to capture my attention.
When the onset of panic and physical manifestations of anxiety occurs, I attribute it to an alternative cause.
I am experiencing a rapid heartbeat, which makes me concerned about the possibility of having a heart condition.
I feel lightheaded and suspect that I may be experiencing a neurological ailment.
If I am not the one to delegate it, then I entrust it to my offspring.
I am concerned about my son’s bruise; it could be a sign of a serious condition.
Life is incredibly wonderful; I can’t help but feel a sense of impending misfortune for someone dear to me.
This is a recurring pattern that I’ve come to notice lately.
Throughout the course of my life, anxiety has made its presence known repeatedly, despite my hope that it would not.
On the contrary, I anticipate a future where I am consistently content, devoid of stress, displaying empathy towards others (while neglecting myself), displaying kindness, mindfulness, intelligence, achievement, physical fitness, slimness, and a lack of wrinkles—the array of expectations for what I “ought” to be is seemingly endless.
The term “should” is a word I must eradicate from my lexicon.
I reassure myself that the physical symptoms I experience cannot be solely attributed to anxiety, as accepting that would imply a diminished state of happiness.
Ah, behold, it has appeared.
Negative emotions are undesirable, and it is essential for me to experience constant happiness.
Consequently, if I am not feeling happy, it means I am flawed and unsuccessful.
Do you observe the functionality of that?
Indeed, I comprehend the irrationality, lack of compassion, and absence of forgiveness that becomes evident when expressed in written form.
This realization serves as one of the motivations behind my decision to pen down these thoughts.
Another factor is that I’ve come to the realization that by embracing this aspect of myself, I am staying authentic to who I truly am.
Those who are familiar with me often say that I am like an open book.
Until recently, I would have characterized myself in that manner.
For years, I’ve concealed this aspect of myself.
I conceal my anxiety like the elusive black sheep of the family, ensuring that no one, not even my nearest and dearest, becomes acquainted with her.
I have felt a sense of embarrassment regarding my anxiety, but I have come to understand that the family member who has always stood out simply required my acceptance.
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To join her and perhaps offer a comforting embrace while expressing, “I acknowledge your presence.” I am aware that you have been here previously.
Experiencing emotions beyond ‘perfect happiness’ is a natural aspect of life, and it is reasonable to anticipate occasional feelings of anxiety, concern, distress, or even sadness.
Your presence is greatly appreciated in assisting me in uncovering the true emotion underlying this anxiety, as well as determining the necessary steps to improve my well-being.
Just recently, my kids embarked on an exciting adventure out of state alongside their father, creating unforgettable memories for an entire week.
It was an entirely new experience for me to be separated from them for such an extended period of time.
Each morning I would startle awake, my heart racing, questioning the source of my unease.
It has dawned on me that the source of my panic is the separation from my children and the constant concern for their well-being.
Upon realizing this, I made a conscious choice to shift my attention towards the enjoyable activities they engaged in daily.
I eagerly anticipated the lasting memories this journey would create, rather than dwelling on the countless hypothetical scenarios that could potentially dampen their experience.
I perceive this newfound realization as a significant step forward in my continuous quest for embracing myself.
I will make a sincere effort to perceive anxiety as a valuable gift, as each time it departs, I gain a bit more enlightenment.
I have gained a greater sense of confidence in handling my anxiety, recognizing that I possess the power to control my thoughts, rather than allowing them to control me.
I find that I am better able to show empathy towards others when they are experiencing anything less than complete happiness.
I find it beneficial to explore the root causes of my anxiety rather than dismissing its existence altogether.
By engaging in such actions, I am able to formulate a comprehensive strategy that effectively tackles valid concerns or eradicates unfounded fears.
Breaking free from the clutches of my own thoughts is far simpler than remaining trapped as a mere victim.
When anxiety pays a visit in the future, I plan to welcome her presence with open arms, hoping that she won’t feel the need to resort to extreme measures just to make herself noticed and understood.
I must admit, encountering you once more leaves me with a sense of familiarity.
Please feel free to come inside and take a seat for a while.
There are tasks that require our attention.
If you happen to have a relative named anxiety who pays you more frequent visits than desired, take some time to spend with them.
Consider the reasons behind her presence.
What thoughts make you feel anxious?
Jot down any illogical, worrisome, or self-sabotaging thoughts on one side of a sheet of paper.
On the contrary, enumerate any concrete evidence supporting the validity of the idea.
One instance that comes to mind is “I perceive myself as vulnerable due to my experience with anxiety.” It’s quite effortless to counter that notion—I can effortlessly provide a myriad of instances where my strength shines through, while struggling to recall even a single scenario that supports the validity of my initial belief.
In many instances, jotting down one’s thoughts can diminish their influence and provide a sense of clarity.
If you find yourself with a genuine idea, devise a plan of action to tackle it.
Regain command of your life.
Give it a shot the next time anxiety pays a visit and observe if it reduces her duration.
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