How to Identify the Root Cause of Your Avoidance Behavior
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When we procrastinate, avoid exercise, try to establish a new habit, or avoid taking on a challenging project, the root cause is often different from what we assume.
We believe that the key is to tackle the task we’re avoiding and put an end to procrastination.
Easy!
However, when we experience failure, we often question ourselves.
The issue lies in not truly tackling the root cause.
We’re focusing on the symptom, and although there are strategies that can provide temporary relief, they often don’t have long-lasting effects.
What leads to our avoidance?
An emotional undertone.
Some sort of internal condition.
Allow me to guide you:
Feeling a certain way is natural, especially when life throws challenges your way. You might be experiencing a mix of emotions like overwhelm, anxiety, fear, sadness, loneliness, emotional exhaustion, frustration, or feeling beaten down by life.
You fight against that emotional state; you don’t want to experience that feeling, so you resist allowing yourself to feel it.
This resistance typically manifests as distraction, such as online activities, busywork, messaging, and so on.
Dealing with challenging tasks can be even more daunting when feeling emotional. Whether it’s tackling a tough project, organizing clutter, or managing a full inbox, these situations can feel overwhelming.
However, navigating through challenging emotions can make things even more difficult.
No wonder we’re steering clear!
We attempt to conquer our avoidance by using strategies; we attempt to push ourselves to complete the task we are avoiding with tactics. Today is all about focusing on work without any distractions!
It occasionally proves effective, but without addressing the root emotional state, the results are short-lived.
We revert to avoiding the situation.
This situation has a negative impact on us, exacerbating our emotional state; we experience self-criticism when we resort to avoidance.
This simply contributes to the existing emotional state.
Return to the initial step and redo it, this time with heightened emotional pressure!
Does any of this ring a bell?
This is a common experience that we all go through on a daily basis, often without realizing it.
Although we may be conscious of it, we often avoid truly confronting it by resisting the emotional state.
Here are the two issues that need to be resolved:
We don’t know the emotional state that leads to avoidance.
We push back against the feeling, whether we realize it or not.
Let’s discuss how to tackle these issues so we can get to the root cause of avoidance.
Shedding Light on the Inner State
It’s important to be aware of this when you’re trying to avoid something.
Do you have something you’ve been delaying, like a project, task, conversation, or personal habit?
On the other hand, you might realize that you’re getting distracted by various activities like messaging, social media, email, busywork, Youtube, Netflix, news sites, forums, and more.
Engaging in this activity occasionally can be enjoyable, but if it becomes a frequent occurrence, it may indicate avoidance.
When you realize you are avoiding or getting caught up in distractions… Try to observe your deep inner feelings.
Feeling down, mourning, or isolated?
Feeling overwhelmed, scared, or worried?
Feeling frustrated, angry, resentful, or burdened?
Feeling pain, unnoticed, or unappreciated?
Right now, there is no need to take any action regarding the emotional state.
Simply observe.
Increasing awareness will help you eventually address the issue.
Embracing the Feeling
If you find yourself avoiding or getting caught up in distraction, chances are you are resisting the emotion.
It implies that you prefer not to experience those emotions—yyou believe there’s an issue with feeling sad, angry, anxious, etc.
Perhaps in your mind, you may not see any issue with these emotions… However, there is a part of you that resists experiencing those emotions.
Perhaps you believe you are unable to manage it or that it is too difficult.
Resisting the emotion is perfectly acceptable.
Resisting is a natural human reaction!
However, as long as we continue to resist it, it will maintain power over us, and avoiding it becomes inevitable.
If you’re willing to release your resistance, simply allow yourself to experience the emotion.
Feeling down, isolated, worried, and irritated.
Take a moment to sit quietly and allow yourself to fully experience the present moment.
The primary directive is to unwind—aallow your body and mind to relax as the emotion arises.
Embrace the feeling.
It’s not often very challenging and typically only takes a minute or so.
If the situation becomes overwhelming, feel free to take a break and distract yourself with something else.
Whether you can fully embrace it or not, take a few minutes for self-care afterwards.
Be kind to yourself, show yourself some love, and enjoy a soothing cup of tea.
Receive a comforting hug from a loved one, or have a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend or therapist.
Recognize yourself for your accomplishments.
How to Embrace
Combining all these elements, here’s how to make a change so you’re not avoiding as much…
Pay attention to moments when you are avoiding or getting stuck in distraction.
Pay attention to the deep emotional state beneath the surface.
Embrace the emotional state and allow yourself to experience it fully.
Chill out.
Take some time to care for yourself and show yourself some love.
After completing that step, you will have a better understanding.
Now, consider if you are more willing to tackle what you have been avoiding.
Begin by dedicating 5 minutes to the task you’ve been avoiding.
This small step can lead to a sense of accomplishment and boost your morale.
It will expand your heart even further.
Celebrate your triumph with a dance!
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