The Fear of Being Alone

Gina came to me for advice because her marriage was on the verge of dissolving. She had just found out that her husband was involved in yet another affair, and ever since then, he had been hostile or distant whenever he was around her.

She had made a number of requests for him to attend couples therapy with her, but he showed little interest in working on their relationship or mending their broken bond.

Gina was free from monetary dependence and had the ability to go without difficulty. All of their children had reached adulthood. There was nothing keeping her in this marriage; therefore, she had no choice but to go. Despite this, she was still present.

Why are you continuing to remain in this marriage, Gina?

I can’t stand the thought of being alone.

This is something that both men and women often share with me. Why is it that so many individuals are terrified of being alone?

Self-abandonment is at the root of the anxiety that comes from the prospect of spending time alone.

Try to imagine how terrible it would be for you as a little child to be abandoned all by yourself. You are too little to take care of yourself when you are only a baby. You do not have access to any food or water at this time. It is not possible for you to change your own diaper. If you are left alone for a long enough time, you will perish.

This is most definitely not the case as one reaches adulthood. On the other side, if you have given your spouse responsibility for your physical and/or emotional wellness, you will experience the same feelings as if you were a kid who had been abandoned.

You have given your spouse control of your inner child, thereby abandoning that part of yourself. This is what contributes to feelings of dread when one is alone.

You would not be afraid of being alone if you took full responsibility for yourself, valued yourself, listened to yourself, and took loving care of yourself physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

What kinds of things do you do in your relationships because you’re afraid of being by yourself? Do you attempt to exert power and influence over your spouse or over other people via rage, blame, tears, or compliance? Do you fail to take action when confronted with unpleasant or abusive behavior?

Do you convince yourself that being with other people, no matter how unpleasant the situation may be, is preferable to being by yourself? Do you get the feeling that you are going to pass away if you find yourself alone?

In fact, the only time any of us ever experience true loneliness is when we turn our backs on ourselves. When we wish to share our love with another person but there is no one present or the other person is unwilling to connect with us, we may experience feelings of loneliness.

However, being lonely is an inevitable part of existence. It is possible for it to happen both inside and outside of a romantic relationship.

In fact, Gina was very lonely for the whole of her relationship, maybe much more so than she would have been had she been living on her own. She was prepared to suffer intense loneliness and emotional pain in order to escape being by herself.

Gina was able to learn how to take responsibility for her own emotions, how to manage her feelings of isolation, and how to connect with the love, wisdom, and comfort that come from a spiritual source of guidance with my assistance.

You will realize that you are never alone after you have mastered the art of developing a profound connection with both your true self and your inner guidance system. This profound inner connection is what eliminates the anxiety associated with being alone.

Gina worked with me one-on-one over the phone and then attended a five-day intensive to learn the inner bonding process that I teach for becoming a loving adult who is able to take loving care of herself. This process enables a person to become a loving, spiritually connected inner parent who is capable of providing loving care for themselves.

Gina decided to end her marriage after completing the inner bonding process and working on it for a period of one year. She informed her spouse that she intended to file for divorce soon.

She was taken aback when her spouse offered to participate in couples therapy with her. She continued with her decision to live apart from him, but they began to cooperate in an effort to mend their broken relationship. In the end, the two of them went through an Inner Bonding Couples Intensive together that lasted for five days.

Even if not all of the issues have been resolved as of today, they are making progress toward developing a reliable and loving connection. Gina was ready to heal her fear of being alone, and as a result, her conduct in her marriage improved significantly. As a result, her husband was willing to open up and grow with her. However, even if he hadn’t helped her, she wouldn’t have needed it since she was no longer giving up on herself.