How to Make Changes in Your Life: The Inverse Method

man falling carton boxes with negative words

Many of us have the desire to make adjustments to our lives, whether it be to rid ourselves of undesirable routines like smoking or overeating, to replace such routines with healthier ones like meditation, or to just become less distracted or impulsive during the day.

No matter what the change is, you’re sure to encounter opposition from within. There is a component of you that resists the change that you want.

There is a part of you that simply wants to eat donuts, even if you want to modify your eating habits and become healthier.

Even though you know that you should be exercising more, there is still a part of you that wants to slack off and take it easy.

There is a part of you that thrives off of the drama, even if you say that you want your life to have less drama. If you want to write a book that will improve people’s lives, there is a part of you that resists the idea of stepping out of the comfort zone of anonymity and living a life that is similar to the one you have always known.

The part of you that wants to bring about change will come up against resistance from this other part of you.

Take ownership of the aspect of yourself that you don’t want to alter, since this piece of advice may seem illogical.

Until you take ownership of this aspect of who you are, you will continually attempt to ignore it, deny it, and suppress it.

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The act of committing violence against a component of who you are will not make that component disappear; rather, it will serve to strengthen it. If you choose to ignore it, it will continue to have some unexplained influence on you.

So how can you claim ownership of it? First and foremost, you need to recognize that there is a component within yourself that is the source of the resistance.

You are not a helpless victim of your environment; rather, you are the architect of your own existence. Be aware of when this part emerges; for example, if you have decided to follow a diet consisting only of whole foods, be aware of the part of you that craves potato chips.

When this particular component appears, give it due respect. How does it feel to be easily distracted or to have a quick response?

How does it feel to be in a position where you have no control or options? What does it feel like to be afraid and reluctant to take risks?

Are you able to become aware of the sensations occurring in your body? Are you able to pay attention to it and give it presence?

Would it really be possible for you to appreciate this aspect of yourself? Could you find the amazing in the part of you that causes all of this and that truly appreciates the diversion, helplessness, lethargy, indulgence, and drama?

Could you find something amazing in the part of you that genuinely enjoys the drama? Would it be possible for you to take pleasure in the drama that you produce, in the theater that you create, in the art that your inner slob or inner tantrum thrower creates? Explore the wondrousness and delectability of the results it produces.

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When you learn to enjoy and revel in this aspect of who you are, and when you start to find scrumptious pleasure in it, it no longer needs to be in control.

All that it ever desired was to be loved and revered, and it now has both. You are able to get through it and find another route, and even though it will still be there, you will no longer have to struggle against it when it does appear. You adore it.

In a manner that defies logic, this calms everything down. There is no need to alter this aspect of who you are since it is both lovely and holy as it is. You don’t have to alter it in any way; rather, you may just accept the wide transformation that involves more of you than just this one aspect.

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