Discovering Serenity Within: Unveiling the Art of Nurturing Self-Awareness for Inner Harmony
As I reflect on my journey, I am confronted with a tapestry woven with moments of anguish, missteps, and emotional turmoil. When I gaze into the mirror, I behold a reflection of resilience, wisdom gained through experience, and a profound sense of self-worth. – Anonymous
In the past, I penned in my personal diary: “The purpose of my existence eludes me.” I’m tired of feeling unhappy, of facing difficulties and constantly having to support myself. I’ve grown weary of my solitude, exhausted by the sense that I’m squandering my existence, and fatigued by the perception of being inadequate.
I used to be that companion who frequently borrowed money, perpetually found myself in dire situations, and would make dramatic calls at the wee hours of the night, exclaiming, “I’m not alright.”
Knowing that one’s neediness can exhaust or push people away is a form of self-awareness that can be quite disheartening.
Back in 2008, I made a conscious decision to embark on a journey of rewiring my highly anxious brain in search of inner tranquility. Reflecting on the significant transformations that have occurred in my life, it is evident that the central theme of my personal journey has revolved around the cultivation of self-awareness. As I deepen my understanding of the intricate workings of my mind and body, I find myself increasingly empowered and at peace.
Throughout my journey towards finding inner peace, I have acquired several invaluable lessons that have profoundly impacted my life.
Prioritize yourself and your needs before attending to others.
I was raised in a society where the unwritten agreement was along the lines of: “I will engage in polite behavior to shield you from any discomfort, and you will reciprocate the same.” (I struggled with this task.)
No one disclosed their true emotions or desires, resulting in a complete breakdown of genuine communication and connection. In my journey as a grown-up, I sought solace in others for my emotional fulfillment, unaware that the key to my happiness resided within me all along.
During a sunny afternoon, as I embarked on a bus journey towards a freelance gig in the heart of Vancouver, an unexpected turn of events unfolded. A voicemail echoed through my phone, delivering the disheartening news of my termination, accompanied by the assurance that my final remuneration would soon find its way to my mailbox. I had been relying on that payment; I was short $20 for my ferry ride back home. Frantically, I reached out to an ex-coworker, who graciously agreed to meet me at a local coffee shop. Despite her evident frustration, she kindly offered me the funds needed to make my way back home.
While heading back to my place, a sudden realization struck me: I could redirect the focus and energy that I had been exerting on others towards myself. During that period of my personal development, I referred to it as my “priority project.”
I initiated my meditation practice and, while taking a deep breath, I summoned various fragments of my soul to reunite with me, akin to the process of “defragmenting” a Windows PC. Much to my astonishment, I not only experienced a newfound sense of completeness, but I also noticed a heightened sense of tranquility and self-assurance regarding my ability to bounce back.
Feeling truly at peace is impossible if our own sense of well-being is contingent upon another person’s comfort. Our ability to influence others’ emotions, thoughts, and actions is completely nonexistent. Every individual’s mood is influenced by countless factors, and it is our personal responsibility to prioritize our own happiness and overall wellness.
Just because we can strive to transform oppressive systems doesn’t imply that we must depend on ideal circumstances to experience tranquility. In fact, if we adopt such a mindset, we might find ourselves waiting indefinitely.
Maintain a delicate balance in the present moment.
In the past, I used to refer to myself as a “Walter Mitty,” drawing inspiration from the renowned James Thurber short story (later adapted into a film starring Ben Stiller). The tale revolves around a man who indulges in vivid daydreams, envisioning himself in various exciting roles such as an emergency room surgeon or a fighter pilot.
In my journal, I expressed my desire to cultivate mindfulness, acknowledging the challenge of taming my wandering mind. I had yet to realize that mindfulness is not something that occurs naturally; it requires effort on my part.
That is the primary function of the brain, however. It contemplates. It ponders. It generates narratives. Occasionally, my thoughts still tend to wander, but after more than ten years, I’ve grown familiar with how my mind works. It no longer overwhelms me with self-deprecating thoughts like it used to.
The essence of presence lies in acknowledging the realities of a given situation, rather than our personal understanding or perception of those realities. I discover it incredibly beneficial to keep in mind this advice during moments when my mind is filled with a whirlwind of thoughts, similar to a tornado, or when I experience sensations linked to anxiety, such as a racing heartbeat or a constricted chest.
In order to ground myself, I become aware of the external stimuli surrounding me. At present, I can feel the gentle caress of the air against my bare arms. Right now, I am aware of the sensation of my feet firmly touching the earth. Right now, my olfactory senses detect a delightful blend of culinary oils and the sweet aroma of blooming roses.
I refrain from categorizing any of this as “positive” or “negative”; it simply exists. Directing attention towards the present moment, rather than dwelling on thoughts, disrupts the cycle of overthinking in the mind.
A presence practice that I truly enjoy is inspired by the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. Simply close your eyes and vigorously rub your hands together for a duration of fifteen seconds. Begin by gently parting your hands, allowing them to create a space between them. Direct your full attention towards the subtle yet powerful vibrations emanating from within your hands. To maintain focus, simply guide your attention back to the physical sensations present in your hands whenever thoughts emerge.
Engaging in this practice redirects mental energy from repetitive thinking patterns and directs it towards the physical body, which remains in the present moment unlike the mind.
Cultivate the skill of mind-watching.
The contrast between my introspective contemplation of past mistakes and my current state of tranquility amidst a racing mind can be attributed to my dedication to observing my thoughts. The majority of individuals engage in continuous thinking without realizing it. Our minds are constantly filled with a stream of thoughts, flowing in and out. However, it is crucial for us to be mindful of these thoughts, recognizing that they do not define our true selves. By doing so, we can discover inner tranquility.
The act of thinking is comparable to the essential process of breathing. At times, our minds engage in the process of thinking as a means to find solutions to specific challenges. At certain moments, ideas materialize and vanish akin to fleeting radio signals amidst mountainous terrain. Those thoughts arise spontaneously, without any deliberate intention on our part.
As I delved into the practice of meditation, I grew accustomed to witnessing thoughts gracefully drift in and out of the vast expanse of my mind. I’ve come to realize that relationships require continuous effort to sustain them. It’s important for me to actively address any unfavorable situations or thoughts that arise, such as thinking, “This isn’t how it should be” or “I’m not comfortable with this.” Both of those suggestions are unhelpful since the current situation, whatever it may be, is already unfolding.
Subsequently, I made an attempt to observe my thoughts in the present moment, outside of my meditation practice. It was only after several months that I started to become aware of my own thoughts. Initially, I strolled about with my head slightly askew, resembling a curious canine attempting to discern the origin of a mysterious sound. I had a strong resolve to catch myself in the very act of thinking, but it proved to be quite a challenge since I had spent a solid forty-four years engaged in continuous thinking without any conscious awareness. It required a significant amount of practice to achieve this goal.
At times, a wave of unease would wash over me, prompting me to don my metaphorical detective hat in order to uncover the root of my discomfort. At times, I find myself lost in thought for a good while, until suddenly I have a moment of realization and exclaim, “Eureka! I am indeed engaged in deep contemplation!”
Realizing that I am separate from my thoughts was truly an eye-opening experience. Within the realm of my mind and body, I perceive the emergence of thoughts that are distinct from my own existence. Experiencing the confinement of being ensnared by our own thoughts can feel like a unique form of torment. However, once we grasp the realization that these thoughts do not define our true selves, it opens up a liberating realm where we can finally catch our breath and embark on our journey towards liberation from this mental anguish.
Distinguish between factual information and narratives.
I have been practicing the art of creative writing for over three decades. I’ve always found pleasure in writing comedy because it involves making a subjective evaluation of a situation. I crafted essays and comedy sketches (and even dabbled in stand-up for a short while) that delved into the depths of either the abysmal or uproarious nature of a particular situation.
In the distant past, there was a cherished therapist who, upon receiving news of a melanoma recurrence and subsequently shutting down her practice, evoked a mixture of laughter and tears within me.Facing the Unforeseen: My Therapist’s Battle with Cancer Naturally, I sympathized with her deeply, although my own sorrow was equally profound, as I had lost one of the most exceptional therapists I had ever encountered. Naturally, this unfortunate event has occurred in my life.
However, it had not. I had the option to direct my attention towards appreciating my own well-being or acknowledging the generosity this lady had already shown me. I might have perceived this as transience, and released it gracefully. However, I hadn’t acquired those abilities at that point in time.
After making a commitment to seek inner tranquility, I decided to take a hiatus from crafting humorous anecdotes and thought-provoking compositions for a significant period of time. To a certain extent, I grasped the fact that recounting those anecdotes—each crafted to be clever yet also to portray me as the blameless sufferer—persistently programmed my mind to experience negativity.
In his book “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life,” Marshall Rosenberg explores the importance of distinguishing between objective facts and our subjective interpretations of those facts. Over an extended period of time, I observed that my reactions to various circumstances were influenced by the narratives I created in my mind. Next, I would step back and engage in the exercise of compiling a comprehensive list of “the factual information available.” Frequently, these were unrelated to the narratives I had crafted.
Passing judgments is such a natural and unconscious process, akin to our thoughts or respiration, that we often overlook its occurrence.
I started to cultivate a lexicon of my emotions and desires. After spending a significant amount of time solely relying on my intellect, I had to acquire the skill of recognizing my emotions and comprehending the underlying needs that were causing them.
All individuals across the globe share fundamental requirements: the need for safety, good health, independence, and affection, among various others. When our requirements are fulfilled, in general, we experience a sense of contentment or, at the very least, tranquility. If those requirements are not fulfilled, it is possible for us to experience emotions such as anger, anxiety, depression, or resentment. Developing the ability to recognize and acknowledge our emotions and desires in every given moment is a significant stride towards cultivating self-awareness and finding tranquility within ourselves.
In the end, it all boils down to assuming complete accountability.
It is crucial that we assume accountability for our personal well-being as no one else possesses the ability to heal on our behalf. It is beyond our power to manipulate individuals, circumstances, or occurrences. Darn it, we lack the ability to govern our own thoughts or emotions! However, it is possible for us to analyze our thoughts and emotions, act with greater intention, and cultivate mindfulness.
Instead of seeking the universe’s assistance like a bewildered child, we can acknowledge our interconnectedness with the cosmos. We are composed of identical chemical elements and our DNA is intertwined with that of all other organisms. Consequently, we possess the ability to actively contribute to our own recovery and well-being.
It is crucial to avoid projecting our childhood trauma responses onto others and refrain from perpetuating old patterns or contributing to oppressive systems. Cultivating self-awareness involves embracing complete accountability for our personal well-being. By recognizing that our inner tranquility cannot be contingent upon external opinions, actions, or circumstances, we empower ourselves to discover true peace.
The ability to be self-aware is an essential skill in discovering inner tranquility and embracing our innate wisdom. Surprisingly, this skill is often overlooked in educational institutions and even within many family dynamics. It is our responsibility to nurture and develop it within ourselves.
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